


Letters To You (hs au)

by tragedy101



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M, harrystyles, onedirection
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-29
Updated: 2016-06-29
Packaged: 2018-07-19 01:48:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7339609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tragedy101/pseuds/tragedy101
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Love until it destroys you, look death in the eye and challenge it, and always remember to say I love you. </p><p> </p><p>original by tragedy101</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Authors Note!

Please read fully. 

 

Beginning this lovely story will surely be a bumpy ride, and you're gonna need to hold on for a little bit. Every ride starts off slow and eventually grows into something fun and enjoyable, and I hope you'll stick with me long enough for that time to come. 

***

Dear reader,

I'm writing this story for you, and this story depicts a relationship so beautiful and crafted. This story has a recommended track list to go with it, songs I've chosen, and songs YOU can choose too. 

The dates in each letter correspond to the chapter they pair with. letter #1 with 0.1 and so on. Keep that in mind while reading. 

Reader interaction is an important thing to me, so you reading this can leave song recommendations in the comments. If you like a certain line, metaphor, comparison, please don't hesitate to comment and let me know. If you like the chapter, comment and vote. Share my story around twitter, tumblr, Instagram, anywhere you want more people to see. 

Your reads and votes mean the world and so much more to me, and I will be forever grateful for every single vote I receive. 

Sincerely, J 

*** 

please enjoy this story, and before you ask, yes, there is most likely going to be a sequel.

p.s. all of Harry's letters are poorly written due to the fact that he is not a professional writer. do not expect shakesperian level letters. he loves her and he explains in the best way without saying "I love you". enjoy.

I HAVE A SPOTIFY! : I made a Spotify playlist SPECIALLY for you guys to listen to!!! It's linked in my Bio! Check it out!

 

****STORY HAS MENTIONS OF DEPRESSION AND SUICIDE. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF IT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE, JUST SKIP.****


	2. Tracklist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a list of tunes you can listen to while reading :-)

*****

1\. I Miss You - Blink 182   
2.Vapor - 5 Seconds of Summer   
3\. In My Veins - Andrew Belle   
4\. The Scientist - Coldplay   
5\. I Think I'm In Love - Kat Dahlia   
6\. Broken - Lifehouse   
7\. A Car, A Torch, A Death - TØP  
8\. Daydreamer - Adele   
9\. Force of Nature - Bea Miller   
10\. Explain it at the Coffee Shop - Ashton Edminster   
11\. Through the Dark - One Direction   
12\. Treacherous - Taylor Swift   
13\. Shades of Blue - Ashton Edminster   
14\. The Only Exception - Paramore   
15\. Better With You - This Wild Life  
16\. Can't help falling in love - Haley Reinhart  
17\. October - Jon D.   
18\. I Love You - Alex and Sierra  
19\. Photograph - Ed Sheeran  
20\. Two Is Better Than One - Boys Like Girls, Taylor Swift  
21\. Your Guardian Angel - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus  
22\. All About Us - He Is We, Owl City  
23\. I Was Made For Loving You - Tori Kelly, Ed Sheeran  
24\. Blind - Lifehouse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have Spotify, find me at Enticingswift and I made a playlist


	3. Letter To Rina

February 2, 2016

Dear Rina, 

It's been a few years since I last wrote you a letter, believing that it wouldn't be worth the time. I kept your journal on my nightstand, contemplating this letter. I thought it would be silly to write this because you're gone from me, but maybe you could read it from wherever you are. 

But I finally decided I would visit you again and give you all of the letters I ever wrote to you. I can't believe you were taken away from me so soon, torn from my shattered heart and buried 6 feet into the ground. 

Ever since then, I never thought I would love anyone again; anything really. Ever since you've been gone, I've fell into this deep, everlasting hole that seemed to have no end; the only light millions of miles away from where I was. Continuous falling, the feeling of never feeling safe again, never feeling secure. I've been searching for happiness, waiting for the sun to light up my sky. You were my happiness, and you made the sky go blue when they were always gray. 

But I think I've got a chance now. 

I met someone today. I think you would like her, she has the same interests as you. She likes her coffee cold and with extra whipped cream, like you. Her eyes crinkle around the edges, like yours used to. She's got the same beautiful, blue eyes as you. The kind that are more like the sea; slightly dark, but with just enough light. I like that, it reminds me of you. She does that snorting noise when she laughs, and when she starts to laugh too hard, she kind of sounds like a seal and she gets red in the face and starts to cry. She's weird, and definitely different, but I think I like her. She was so beautiful and so eerily reminded me of you. Come back please? 

I also got a puppy, I named her Rina, after you. She's three months old and is as crazy as can be; she keeps me on my toes. She's a German Shepherd mix, a white one, like you always begged me for. She also has your blue eyes, I think she's a mix... They never really specified. Mostly German, though. You like that, right? I hope you don't mind. She likes to sleep on your side of the bed with her head on the pillow, just like you. I don't know how, but she snores and it keeps me up at night. I think you would like her. She has your personality. 

This morning while I was at the bookstore, I smelt perfume that reminded me of you; the apple-cinnamon kind you wore when we went out. The scent was heavy and for a few minutes I felt like you were there with me. Sometimes I still smell the bottle you left here, and it reminds me of you and brings me back to a happier time. But it was just an old lady looking at the books an aisle over from me. I miss that perfume. 

I ordered my regular coffee, the coffee I would get with you on cold days, extra whipped cream to share with you because you loved it. I drank it and thought of you, how you'd always laugh at my cream mustache and then kiss it off. I try to avoid those now that no one is here to laugh at them. I miss your laugh. 

I took Rina on a walk today and we went by the park bench you always read on when you were sad. I think she could smell you, because she was smelling the bench for five minutes. I wish I could still smell you, like Rina could. I miss you so bad. 

I hope you enjoy it up there and I hope He's treating you as well as you deserve. You deserve everything served on a golden platter. God, you deserve to still be here. I still miss you. 

I know you can't read these, which I wish you could, but I've put my entire soul and heart into these and want you to know you're always going to be in my heart and always a part of my life. 

I wish you weren't gone. I don't think it's healthy for me to miss you so much. 

Yours Sincerely,   
Harry E. Styles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, thank you for reading! Please leave feedback:)


	4. ana

I hadn't visited the cafe since my dad died, the familiar coffee and sweets smell reminding me of a time much better appreciated. I missed the smell to say the least, but I never came back in fear that it would bring back the melancholy thought of my dad who'd passed away; the only man in my life who had ever proven that I was worth any kind of love and showed me every day he breathed and walked on this earth. The saying was true: your dad is your real first love. I hadn't loved anyone since then, a strong fear planting itself in the pit of my soul and growing day by day. 

I sat down in the same booth we used to always sit in every morning, where we'd watch the sun come up and drink our cappuccinos together. We would talk about my school life, his work, and more importantly: how we were doing. If we were happy, if we needed any support. He was always my rock and I could always depend on him. I wish I'd been there for him like he was for me. 

He was clinically depressed, had prescriptions to the sky and the doctor tried everything to get him to take them. I even tried to convince him to take them. He was a stubborn man to say the least, convinced he was okay and that he needed "no god damn medicine." He'd been that way for years, never knew him when he wasn't. I guess that's where I got it from. 

I knew every night he was in his room, a mess on his bed alone, crying his poor eyes out. It made me feel worthless, like nothing I could ever do or say could possibly help him. He tossed me to the side most nights, on the nights he felt more alone then ever especially. 

One day after school, he plummeted. He hadn't been doing well for months, and I tried my best as his daughter and - seemingly - best friend to pull him up out of the hole he'd fallen into. But the months soon passed and the light in his eyes was still gone, and altogether we stopped going to the cafe every morning. He always told me he was just too tired to get out of bed - so I didn't stop him.  I tried to talk him into it on his birthday, thinking maybe he would be up for it then, but he just closed the door on me and told me he was going back to bed. I let him be, turning the hall light off and returning to my room, an agonizing, stinging pain taking over my body. I had a horrible feeling that day. I kept reminding myself that he was just tired, but nothing could ease my mind of the worst. He's okay, he's just gone back to sleep. Well, that's what I tried to convince myself of. I heard a gunshot through the thin wall, running to his room and and flinging the door open as fast as I could. I saw my daddy on the floor, eyes wide open and hands open wide, lifeless and beautiful. He had a small smile on his face, like this was what would finally make him happy. Blood was puddled around his head, dripping down his forehead. My best friend, the first man I would ever love, gone in the blink of an eye. If only I had stayed a moment longer. I got down next to him after a few moments of ragged breathing and tears, taking his cold hand in my two small ones and bringing it up to my mouth to kiss gently. I wiped my tears shakily, and without a second thought, called 911 to report a suicide. 

Months after the suicide, I stepped foot into his room  
for the first time. There were many depressing feelings that came with standing there, in the middle of his room, with the curtains closed tightly and the bed made up perfectly. My eyes had wandered, and landed upon a note on his desk. A note I'd never noticed before. 

Dear My Sweet Ana, 

This is my official suicide note, and I hope one day you're reading it and you're not as sad as before. I want to give you one life lesson, a lesson I hope you hang onto forever. 

Dying is not the end of the world. There are so many places to go, don't be afraid of death. Look death in the eye and challenge it. 

One last thing – love someone, love them with every fiber of your being. Fall in love, do not hold back. Let them destroy you, you'll be grateful. 

With Love,  
Dad 

"Ma'am, what would you like to drink?" the waitress asks me, pulling me away from my torturous daydream. Her name tag read Angel. 

"Iced frappé please." I say gently, smiling to the kind lady. "Extra whipped cream, also." I add. She scribbles it on her compact notepad and scurries off to place my order in.

I pull my journal from my bag, grabbing my pen and opening it to an empty page. I'd gotten this journal for my 16th birthday after proudly announcing to my dad that I wanted to be an author. I sigh heavily, running my fingers through my knotted hair and closing my eyes; racking my brain for writing ideas. I could finally recall a time in my life where I felt like nothing, where I felt cold, crushed, and played. Love was a terrible disaster, waiting to be smushed under a giant shoe. 

"like autumn leaves, my heart was crumbling, but instead of on the outside, on the inside. I was growing cold inside, just like the temperature on the outside. I was mending myself piece by piece, before you came in and I met you, a false hope filling in my lonely head that maybe you were different than all the rest. I saw you and thought I could finally be saved, that you were here to be my Superman and I would be your Lois Lane. I was wrong, although months went by and you told me you loved me, and you touched me and I could feel myself lighting up like a Christmas tree, even though it was the middle of March. I was suddenly warming up, like the temperature outside. you held me so close to you, and it gave me a false feeling of distorted comfort. When you were so close to me and I could feel your breath fanning over my neck, I thought of it like the cool air in the middle of summer; the kind you pray for. but after summer comes fall.  I felt like my world was finally coming together, but months passed, and now it was winter and my heart was slowly becoming brittle; like the leaves flooding my front yard. I held my breath when I saw you tell her you loved her, and the days you were gone I knew you were with her, holding her the way you used to hold me; giving her the same feeling you falsely gave me. I felt you crunch my heart, like a little kid would crunch a leaf. and that's when my body grew cold -"

I stopped writing, the sudden feeling of hot coffee pouring all over my lap and burning me. I felt the steaming liquid scorching my skin through my jeans, surely leaving scars - red blotches at the least. I let out a screech, nearly flying out of the booth in pain and holding my thighs. 

"What the hell?!" I burst angrily, tears brimming my eyes as I look up up at the frightened man looking back down at me. 

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry!!" he exclaims, grabbing napkins from the table and dabbing my wet jeans as dry as possible. 

"This is why I get cold coffee." I grumble towards him, sighing and looking up at him as he stands straight nervously. His green eyes look to mine apologetically. 

"I'm sorry." he says weakly, eyes falling down to the ground. 

He was almost like a puppy being scolded, round eyes looking to the ground for comfort. His lip jutted out in a pout, which suited his face; soft and round. 

"For the love of God, sit down." I give in, shaking my head. "Was that some kind of conversation starter?" I enquire, arching a brow. 

"If you want it to be." he responds quirkily, a small smile popping onto his mouth. So he wasn't a sweet, innocent young man. He had a spark. 

"Ugh." I groan in annoyance, drying my seat off and sitting down. "What's your name, klutz?" I ask him as he sits across from me. 

"Harry. Yours?" he tells me, smiling from ear to ear. 

"Ana. Why'd you spill your coffee?" I ask, raising an eyebrow as my waitress sets my coffee down for me and I say a quick 'thank you'. 

"You were buried deep in your diary or whatever. How else would I catch your attention?" he jokes, biting his lip slightly and tilting his head - again -  like a puppy. 

"Well, you surely got my attention...Harry. And it's not a diary." I say slowly, looking at him. "Why do you even like hot coffee? Doesn't it burn your mouth?" I question, a bitterness overtaking my tone. My dad always drank hot coffee. I'd never touched it since then. 

"Well of course, but I don't like cold drinks when it's ten degrees outside." he nods. "Plus, it seems to be burning your lap rather than my mouth." he adds sarcastically. 

"Good observation." I say irritably, rolling my eyes at him. Annoying, I mentally note. 

"What's your number?" he says, sliding his phone over the table into my possession. 

"Why should I even give it to you?" I was shocked, eyebrows arching once more. 

"You obviously like me, you asked me to sit instead of telling me to fuck off like you could have." he retorts. He had a point. 

"Good point." I mumble, typing in my number hesitantly. "You can't call or text me at two in the morning and wake me up or I will find you and hurt you." I say so serious that his eyes went wide for a moment, sliding his phone back to him and drinking my coffee. 

"Of course not, that wouldn't be nice." he winks, laughing gently before combing his fingers through his long, curly hair. "Wouldn't want to interrupt your beauty sleep." 

"I'm trusting you Mister." I say cautiously, shaking my head as he smiles and shrugs. 

"I know." he says plainly, standing up from the booth and walking out of the cafe, leaving me surprisingly silent. 

I couldn't think of anything, two small words being the only things floating around my messy head. 

What the hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! This is the start of Hana :-)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Thank you so much for reading this story! I've originally posted it on Wattpad under Tragedy101 if you'd like to check it out there! Please leave comments! :-)


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